The Assassination of Stewie Griffin
by Canada07
Summary: This is a crossover between Family Guy and American Dad. Both worlds intertwine when Stan is sent on assignment to kill Stewie, who is a potential threat to society.
1. CHAPTER ONE: The Assignment

The **Assassination** of **Stewie Griffin**

**The Assignment**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I am not in any contact with 20th Century Fox, Fuzzy Door, Seth Macfarlane or any of the writers, producers creators of Family Guy_.

Because this is a crossover, please do not tell me to put this under cartoon X-overs or in the American Dad section. I put this under the Family Guy section because I thought the whole concept of Stewie Griffin being assasinated would be more appealing to actual fans of Family Guy and not just random readers looking in the crossovers section.

I rated this fanfic 'teen' mainly for language, references to drugs and violence.

I'll try to post the rest of the chapters as soon as possible. For now, please R&R.

* * *

"I have brought you all here for a very important announcement." The chief said as he looked at the 30 CIA agents that sit in front of the podium. 

"Yeah," Stan smirked sarcastically as the man made his speech. "You said that about 5 times over the intercom, that's why we're here."

"Mr Smith--"

"It's okay chief." Said a man sitting right beside Stan. "I'd be more than happy to give him a spanking for you." The man giggled and blushed at stan. "Grr..."

Stan was quick to respond. "That guy over there has been eyeing you ever since the beginning of the meeting. Does that give you any ideas?"

"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted," The chief said.. "America's future and freedom is being threatened."

Gasps are heard from the crowd. The chief continued,

"Yes it's true, this threat presents itself as a baby from Quahog, Rhode Island. Garth, would you mind showing them the picture on the projector?"

A man in the back presses a button and a big picture of Stewie Griffin shows up on the screen.

"Holy hell, it's a giant baby!" Stan screamed.

"Stan, it's a picture of a baby." Chief said. "I need you to take him down... As in kill him."

"You want me to kill a giant baby?"

"No you dumbass, he's a tiny one year old child."

"So how exactly is he a threat to us then?"

"He's a threat to society." Chief explained. "He has managed to produce about 5 deadly and dangerous weapons, in motive to kill his mother."

"Why that's terrible."

"Think about it Stan. Once he manages to kill his mother, do you think he'll put all of those weapons to waste and grow up naturally and develop as a normal human being?"

"Probably not." Stan snapped and stood up. "Okay sir. I will take this assignment with me all the way to Rhode Island."

The crowd started applausing.

"Chief, tell my wife I love her. Also that those hustler magazines don't belong to Steve, they belong to me. Except for the one where that naked girl is riding the horse."

The chief pointed his hand to a door at the left corner of the room. And said " I need you to go into this room. All your supplies are in there, the man in the fancy tuxedo will point you to your jet. Good luck!"

Stan stepped down the aisle while his coworkers gave him high fives. Then Stan walked through the door.


	2. CHAPTER TWO: Premonition

The **Assassination** of **Stewie Griffin**

**Premonition**

* * *

I am trying my best to put as many chapters as I can up as soon as possible. Expect the next chapter within the next week or two. Until then I want to get feedback on this particular chapter. Tell me what you think!

* * *

Stewie walked into the living room and saw Brian standing next to the speaker. 

"What's up Brian?" Stewie asked cheerfully. "Oh my GOD that's a bong in your hand isn't it?"

"I'm sorry, but ever since the break up with Jillian." Brian responded. "You know, it relaxes me and also makes me forget about her."

Stewie took it out of Brian's hand, threw it on the ground and punched brian as hard as he could.

"Do you know what marijuana does to you man?" Stewie shouted.

"Yeah... I can freakin' smell colours." After having said that Brian stood still for a while looking staring into space. The body was there but the mind seemed to be gone.

Brian then saw himself in front of three doors. There was a lit up neon sign above him that said _VIEWING ROOMS. _Brian then shifted his head to the doors. The door to the far left was labeled _Past, _the second door was labeled _present _and the third one was labeled _Future. _Brian smiled and walked slowly into the door that was labeled _Future_, by the time his paw touched the doorknob the whole scenario changed.

What seemed to be a black room with three doors, transformed into the roof of the griffin house. Brian looked down to the street and saw Stewie holding a pistol in his hand positioned to make a shot.

"Where the devil are you now CIA man?" Stewie said. His voice seemed nervous and worried. Turned around with the gun pointed at the direction he was facing. "I know you're here, now show yourself and fight!"

Brian tried to shout but he felt no words come out of his mouth. He had the intention of saying something like, _Stewie! Drop the pistol! _or _Stewie, who in the hell are you trying to shoot with that thing? _But he couldn't say a word. Brian then heard a whispering noise...

_"I got you now kid."_

But before Brian could turn around to see who it was, a big gunshot came from behind and Stewie dropped to the pavement with a big red blood mark on his shoulder. Brian looked behind him and saw a shadowy figure sitting in a parked blue mustang. The window rolled up and the shooter started up the car to drive away.

Brian tried to yell but again, he couldn't say a word. So he climbed down the sidepipe and chased the car as it drove down Spooner street. Suddenly a UPS truck heading behind Brian honked. Brian turned around and was hit by the truck. He went flying, landed on the blue mustang's rear window. Brian felt blood rushing from his head and the window crack. He looked into the window and saw a rifle marked with the code '**00782149'** but before he could do anything else, he closed his eyes in pain and blacked out completely.

* * *

Brian regained conciousness and found himself standing right in front of a frowning Stewie with the bong directly at his feet. 

"...anxiety, paranoia and hallucinations." Stewie seemed to have finished a sentence. "That's what weed does to you man, that's what weed does to you." Stewie then walked out of the room.

"Oh God I need a doctor." Brian put his hand over his eyes, trying to forget about everything he saw within the previous few minutes.

* * *

"And this man shot Stewie with a rifle?" The therapist asked. 

"Well, I didn't really see this man but I did see a blue mustang and a rifle labeled with the numbers 00782149." Brian replied.

"Wait so from the beginning, you entered a door that said _Future_ on it." The therapist said. "Is there any chance of this being a premonition?"

"Oh come on don't be silly," Brian laughed. "A premonition? Oh please."

"Brian, be aware of all the possibilities. You entered a door with the label _future_, if you entered say the door with the label _past _it might bring you to some childhood memories."

"And what if I entered the _present _door?"

"Then you would regain conciousness in that same room you were in with Stewie." The therapist smiled. "Common sense son."

"Wow that makes so much sense!" Brian said. "If that was a premonition though, then that means Stewie and I are in mortal danger! How far ahead do you think I saw? Two weeks? A month?"

"Brian these premonitions can be one day or one year ahead of the time they actually happen." The therapist said. "Heck, it might be happening today. Who knows?"

"Well, CIA or not, nobodys putting any bullet in Stewie." Brian got up and ran out the door as fast as he could.

"Brian! You forgot these perscription drugs I was going to give you!" The therapist called out. "Oh damn it, my one chance to get rid of these pills and I blew it." The therapist looked around, opened the perscription case and shoved six pills in his mouth. "Doctor said take three of these daily, but he's not the boss of me..."

There was a knock on the door.

"Must be my next client." He hid the perscription drugs in his pocket. "Come in!"


	3. CHAPTER THREE: Destination Quahog

The** Assasination **of** Stewie Griffin**

**Destination Quahog**

* * *

Stan smiled as he walked towards the man in the tuxedo. Stan scanned him from head to toe, he had a black moustache and wore a black toupee. 

"Welcome Mr. Smith," The man began. "now before you get onto your private jet, is there anything you would like to make your flight and assignment more convenient?"

"Well," Stan thought. "I think it would be nice for me to tell my wife I'm leaving for an assignment."

"Mr. Smith," The man said. "I'm pretty sure that your wife would not approve of such deed, seeing as it involves the murder of a young one."

Stan nodded in agreement.

"Well I guess that means I'm going to have to lie." Stan said. "Can you postpone the flight to tomorrow morning?"

"As you wish, Mr Smith." The man smiled. "Oh and you can call me Terrence."

* * *

"Francine pack up your bags, I'm taking all of you on a special trip." Stan announced. 

Steve and Haley turned the television off and listened carefully.

"That's right dear, I'm taking you all on a trip to Quahog, Rhode Island!" Stan said. "Now doesn't that sound exciting?"

"Why that sounds great Stan!" Francine said. "I'll go pack--"

"Whathog?" Haley said. "Come on why can't we go to Florida or something? Dad's probably on some kind of assignment."

"Shut up Haley, I think it's great idea." Steve grinned at Stan and turned the TV back on.

"See, Steve's got the right idea." Stan said with a smirk. "The best thing is, you kids will be off school for a few days and Roger will get to watcht he house for us!"

"As long as it's taking me off school." Hayley mumbled.

Roger then came running down the stairs.

"Oh great!" Roger cheered gratefully. "Now I can finally watch my shows uninterrupted."

Steve leaned slightly over to Hayley and whispered, _"Soap operas and alcohol..."_. Haley giggled quietly.

"Great it's a plan then," Stan said. "The flight leaves tomorrow. And Roger, is that cream on your face?"

"Exfoliating cream." Roger replied. "I learned about it on Yahoo Answers. What is everyone looking at me for? Get packing!"

* * *

"Terrence, will this plane fit a family of four?" Stan asked. 

"It can fit a family of fourty, Mr. Smith." Terrence smiled as he watched the Smiths board the plane.

Stan was the last to climb on board, then Terrence grasped Stan's arm and glared right into his eyes.

"It is expected that this baby is killed within a week." Terrence said with a dark frown.

"And if I fail to do so?" Stan said nervously.

"Well," Terrence put a hand in Stan's pocket and took out his badge. "you can wave bye to that Agent Badge of yours."

"Oh."

"Just get the job done, or I'll do it for you, understand?"

"Yes."

"Now get going." Terrence pushed Stan into the plane and slammed the door shut.

Terrence stepped down and watched the plane taxi down the lane. A tall and mysterious man materialized from the shadows making his way towards Terrence. He wore sunglasses over his eyes, which seemed to hide all of his facial features. The ironic thing was that the shape of this man's head had a huge resemblence to the target of the assignment, Stewie Griffin.

"Terrence," The man said. "your plane to Quahog will be here in an hour. We will communicate with you on your PDA, follow Stan wherever he goes."

"Is that all sir?"

"Bring a gun." The man added. "If Stan lets leak any information about this assignment, kill him and whoever finds out."

"Got it."

"You know what to do once the baby is dead correct?"

"Call for backup once the baby is dead to make the whole thing look like a kidnapping."

"Good, all going according to plan." The man grinned selfishly.

"Good to know." Terrence replied.

"Okay then."

"I'll see you later."

"Not if I see you first, Bertrand." Terrence said and he walked over to the main building.


	4. CHAPTER FOUR: Meet The Griffins

The **Assassination** of **Stewie Griffin**

**Meet The Griffins**

* * *

Well I changed Chapter 3 and 4 around quite a bit because of a lot of feedback, and I really thank you for sharing your thoughts with me to make this story better. I appreciate the comments and keep them coming!

Chapters 3 and 4 are finally up! R&R please and thanks.

* * *

"So what hun," Stan said. "Do you think we should take a cab or rent a car?"

"You know," Francine answered. "I think we should rent a car this time." She smiled at him and stroked his arm gently.

"Yeah," Stan though for a minute. "and for no apparent reason, i feel like getting a mustang. I just feel like driving my family around in a mustang."

"That sounds great hun." Francine took her hand off his arm and picked up a magazine from the pouch of the seat in front of her. "So what's this assignment about anyways?"

"Why does everyone suspect this is a government assignment?" Stan questioned. "Is it too much for a CIA agent to take his family to a nice place once in a while?"

Francine frowned. "Well first of all, you're taking us there on a private jet used exclusively for government assignments, second of all why Quahog? Why can't you take us to New York or Florida? You know, some place we've actually heard of!"

Steve and Hayley sat quietly in the seats behind, trying to take their minds off of the fight going on in front of them. Hayley then reached in to her pocket and took out an iPod, put on the earpieces and put the music full blast.

"Show off." Steve murmured.

"What was that?" Hayley said.

"Nothing."

"Well Francine," Stan said. "I would love to tell you, but this assignment is to remain strictly confidential."

"Well, if that's how it is Stan. I'm completely off limits."

"Um..."

"That means you cannot lay a finger on me until you tell me what your assignment is"

"Can I lay my shoulder on you?" Stan leaned towards her but she pushed him away.

"Come on Stan, it's not like you were assigned to kill a baby or anything."

"Well..." Stan began.

"Oh my dear God, are you serious?"

"No! No hun." Stan laughed. "It has nothing to do with killing a baby! That's just silly. It's tracking down illegal immigrants and women selling themselves for sex and slavery."

"See? That wasn't that hard to tell me was it?" Francine said. "Scary isn't it? Those kinds of things happen in little towns like Quahog."

"Yeah well, I have no clue what we did to the world." Stan agreed. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go to the lavatory." Stan stood up wearing a big fake smile. When he got there Stan slid the door open, went in and looked at himself in the mirror.

"What is wrong with the world." He said. "I'm supposed to kill a freaking baby. What the hell was I thinking when I accepted this assignment? I have to do something to keep my mind off of it. I know, I'll play with my gun."

Stan reached directly into his pants, moved it around quite a bit and took out his pistol.

"Ah, the second love of my life." Stan said. "How my hands have waited all day just to hold you once again."

Stan heard a beep and the pilot came on the intercom.

_"We will be descending in 5 minutes, it was a pleasure to be your pilot today. Oh and Stan, put that thing back in your pants and get back to your seat."_

* * *

"Crap," Peter said. "Nobody is answering my calls. Who else is going to go with me to the bar?"

"Well," Lois said as she put away some dishes. "Maybe it's about time you made a new friend to go to the bar with in case Cleveland, Quagmire or Joe aren't available."

"You know Lois, i've been thinking of taking Brian but I don't really want to interfere, he might be in a fragile state of mind right now. You know, ever since the break up with Jillian."

"Actually i'm fine now." Brian said as he walked into the room taking a sip out of his coffee mug. "But thanks anyhow."

"So you'll be able to come with me Brian?"

"You know what, I'd love to, but I have an appointment with my therapist."

"Oh." Peter said. "Well that's just grand."

"Lois is right, you should go make a new friend to hang out with, in case the guys aren't available."

"Oh all right, whatever you say." Peter walked up to Lois and kissed her on the cheek. Peter also walked up to Brian and leaned down. But Brian put out his paw.

"Uh, that won't be necessary." Brian said.

"I'll be home by 11." Peter said and walked out the back door.

* * *

"Oh dad, can we please go to the mall?" Hayley asked nicely as they rode their newly rented blue mustang. "Please dad?"

"Well, we have to ask your mother first." Stan said. "Francine?"

"Sure, I"d love to go to the mall." Francine replied.

"Ok," Stan said as he stopped the car beside the mall sidewalk. "you girls can go to the mall while I go to that bar over there."

"Then where the hell do i go?" Steve asked. "Oh, can I go to the bar with you dad?"

"Absolutely not." Stan exclaimed. "You can go shoe shopping with your mother and Hayley."

"But dad, come on man."

"Hey Steve," Hayley nudged Steve. "I've heard a lot of girls hang out in these malls at this time of day."

"Oh okay," Steve said. "But they damn well better be hot, or else..." Francine and Hayley opened the door to come out and Steve followed along.

"Now you ladies have fun." Stan waved. "Have fun Steven." The doors shut and Stan drove off to a bar named the Drunken Clam.

Steve got out and closed the door. He put two dollars in the parking meter, adjusted his necktie, cleared his throat and went into the bar. It was clear the bar wasn't very popular as it wasn't really full. He spotted the bartender and sat down in a seat next to a fat man with thin glasses holding a beer.

"How may I help you, sir?" Asked Horace the bartender.

"I feel like having a tequila. Sunrise." Stan said. "You know Tequila always does the trick, being Deputy Deputy Director isn't the easiest job in the world you know." Stan nudged the man beside him.

"There you go." Horace said as he collected a few coins from Stan.

"Really." The man replied. "Deputy Deputy Director? Of what?"

"Uhmmm..." Stan looked around and whispered. "I actually work for the CIA. But don't tell anyone."

"Oh really?" The man smiled. "I'm Peter Griffin by the way. What brings you to a local bar like this Mr...?"

"Smith... Stan Smith." Stan replied as he took a sip of his tequila. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone this actually but, I'm on assignment. I have to kill a baby."

"Holy crap! That's crazy" Peter laughed. "So who's the lucky kid?"

"Well, I'm not supposed to release the name, but i have a picture of it if you want."

"Nah, it's fine. Good luck with it."

"You know we came here from Maryland."

"Heh, no kidding. You guys have a place to stay? I'm sure my wife won't mind."

"Oh are you sure?"

"Yeah, you'll get to meet my dog, my beautiful wife, my two sons and my daughter."

"Hey, i have a son and daughter, I'm sure they'd love to meet you guys."

"So um... How many nights are you guys staying?"

"Until the deed is done."

"Great," Peter said. "It's a deal then."

Stan took one last sip of his tequila and Peter finished his beer.

"I'll have to pick up my wife and kids at the mall, I'll follow you're car to your house though."

"Sounds great." Stan said as he picked up his phone to alert Francine of the change of plans.

* * *

A few hours later the Smiths arrive at the Griffin residence.

"Come on in you guys." Peter said as the Smiths followed Peter to the door. Peter opened the door. "Lois I'm home."

"Why hello there, you must be the Smiths." Lois greeted. "Kids! Come down here we have guests."

Chris and Meg came running down the stairs.

"These are the smiths, kids. They will be staying with us for a little while." Lois said.

"Why what a fine family you have. Mr. and Mrs. Griffin." Francine complimented.

Chris looked at Hayley with wide open eyes. _"My god, she's beautiful..." _Chris thought. Steve looked at Meg with wide open eyes as well, _"I am so going to get her after this trip..." _Steve thought to himself.

"This is Chris and Meg." Lois said.

"Pleasure to meet you guys, this is Steve and Hayley." Stan said.

"Hey where's Stewie?" Asked Peter curiously. Suddenly Stewie came running down the stairs fixing his hair.

"Dear God I look terrible." Stewie said quietly.

"Stewie, introduce yourself." Meg whispered.

"Oh right," Stewie said. "Hello my name is Stewart Gilligan Griffin, but you can call me Stewie."

"Very good Stewie, that was very polite." Lois said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... I've been practicing."

"Well isn't he just so cute, "Said Hayley.

"Thank you." Said both Chris and Stewie.

Stan frowned and went up to Stewie. "What did you say your name was again?" Stan asked, but before Stewie could answer Brian rushed in from the front door.

"Lois!" Brian called out."There's a blue mustang parked... Oh, hello there. I'm Brian griffin."

"Well, why don't we take this discussion over to the dinner table, I'm sure you guys must be hungry." Lois said.

"Oh we sure are." The Smiths replied.

Brian walked up to Lois. "Lois, after dinner, we have to talk."

"About what?" Lois asked as they made their way to the dining room.

"Just meet me in the kitchen after dinner, it's extremely important."

"Okay

Brian." Lois said.

* * *

"Lois, this man works for the CIA and he's going to kill Stewie." Brian said to Lois in the kitchen.

"Brian! Don't make those sudden accusations." Lois exclaimed.

"Damn it Lois, I saw it in some kind of premonition and guess what, it's coming true." Brian told her. "You have to trust me on this one."

"I'm sorry but it's going to take more than that to win me over, that's not the way things work in this family. Get a good sleep tonight, now if you'll excuse me, I have some guests to entertain." Lois made her way out of the living room

"So that's it?" Brian yelled firmly, Lois stopped for a second. "You're gong to take the risk of losing you're youngest son? Because if that's what it is shame on you Lois. I came to you because I knew I could trust you."

Lois turned around. "Brian, you better be right, I'll keep Stewie in view at all times. You keep Mr.Smith close too."

"We'll think of a plan tomorrow." Brian said.

"I'm trusting you Brian. Please don't break this trust."

"I won't Lois. I won't." Brian smiled softly.

"Okay, let's go into the living room." Lois said and they both walked in and joined the group.


	5. CHAPTER FIVE: Live and Let Die

**The Assassination of Stewie Griffin **

**Live and Let Die**

Brian stared blankly at the ceiling lying down on the living room couch while varied thoughts ran endlessly through his mind. The house was pitch black and quiet and everyone was supposedly sleeping. He then turned to look at the clock.

**5:00AM**

Too anxious to sleep, Brian made his way up the stairs and slowly opened the door to Stewie's bedroom, who was fast asleep in his crib. Stewie was breathing normally.

"Thank God..." Brian whispered silently. He then went to Meg's bedroom and saw the Smiths sleeping quietly. Hayley and Steve slept in two separate sleeping bags while Stan and Francine slept on Meg's bed. The queen size was barely enough for them to sleep in but they managed to squeeze up together. Brian supposed Meg was sleeping in Chris' room

Brian tiptoed slowly over to the left, which was the side of the bed Stan was sleeping in. Brian then spotted Stan's bag next to Meg's side drawer. He slowly tiptoed around the sleeping bags, over to Stan's bag, who was definitely asleep.

"Oh baby, over here." A voice from behind Brian mumbled. "You don't have to be shy." It was Steve's voice. Brian assumed he was just dreaming. Brian unzipped Stan's bag, carefully and quietly, not making one sound.

Inside the bag were clothes, Francine's scheduler and a threaded sack.

"This is probably where he keeps his weapons." Brian thought. Brian pulled opened the sack and pulled out several deadly weapons. He wasn't quite sure of the names but he did recognize a MAC-10 and an AR-15, both very deadly guns he once saw in a documentary on the discovery channel. What really bothered Brian was that none of these guns were rifles and none of them were labeled with 00782149, like the one he saw in his premonition.

"Put those down immediately." Brian dropped the sack, looked up to see a pistol pointed directly at his face. "I don't want to harm you Brian. I'm sure you don't want to harm yourself or any other member of your family either. So I'll tell you this right now, if you tell anyone about anyhting you saw in this room, I swear i will go out of my way just to get you put down. And you don't want that, your family doesn't want that and I sure as hell don't want that either."

"None of this will leave these lips." Brian said. "Please don't kill Stewie."

"Are you kidding me?" Stan said. "I would never kill anyone as fina of a child as Stewie. He's charming, from what i've seen last night. The kid seems he'll do more good to society than harm."

"How can I trust a man with a bag full of deadly weapons?" Brian snapped.

"I would rather lose my job than take away Stewie's oppurtunity to live a full and healthy life." Stan told him. "Go back to sleep, get some rest. I have enough trouble to deal with already."

"I still can't say I believe you." Brian then walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him

Brian scheduled a special and early appointment with his therapist in the morning.

"Well, it's been done countless times in movies." Brian said. "There's gotta be some way I can change the future."

"Brian, I've been writing in my journal, I've been thinking over your situation again and again." The therapist replied. "I've come down to the conclusion that you shouldn't do anything about this."

"I'm pretty sure i didn't have that premonition for nothing." Brian said. "It was God telling me i could do somethig about it."

" Everyone in this world will die at some point, no matter how much you want to keep someone away from death, it will always come. It's not as much about living on as it is about moving on, do you understand?"

"But there must be some way I could..."

"Live and let die Brian..." The therapist let out a faint smile. Then a sudden buzzing sound rang from the intercom speaker on the office desk. The therapist pressed a button and started speaking into the microphone. "Shirley, is my package here yet?"

"_No not yet sir..." _A woman's voice said through the intercom. "_the UPS truck should be delivering it this afternoon_."

"Ok, just tell them to speed up okay? My wife needs that frame! Thanks Shirley." He said and he took his finger off the button.

Brian thought for a second and asked. "Did she just say UPS truck?"

"That's correct Brian, why do you ask?"

Brian remembered his premonition, he remembered being hit by the speeding UPS truck. This was a sign. It all started adding up in front of his eyes. Brian knew he had to do something or forever live on with his life with regret.

"I have to go, thanks for everything." Brian shook the theraist's hand briefly.

"Brian... Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Who knows..." Brian smiled. "I could be dead by tomorrow."

With that, Brian grabbed his coat and made his way to the door.

"Oh," Brian added before he left. "and if I am dead tomorrow, tell UPS that the driver had terrible driving."

"You know mother," Stewie began as he walked around the living room while Lois listened on the couch. "Over the past few weeks I've been training my hearing, I can now hear conversations from very far distances. Now I demand to know who plans to murder me and where I can find him."

"Well hun..." Lois spoke.

Lois was distracted by voices from the kitchen. "Seriously Chris? Evil monkeys don't live in closets. You are so immature..." Hayley said as she walked out of the kitchen rolling her eyes.

"I'm not kidding! Let me show you!" Chris yelled. "There's an evil monkey that lives in my closet, isn't that right Steve?"

"Yeah there actually is! I saw it with my own two eyes!" Steve said.

"You boys are so immature!" Hayley stopped and turned. "If all boys are this immature, then no wonder why some girls are lesbians." Chris and Steve both frowned at each other.

"But really, once you get to know me I'm really nice in the inside." Chris said confidently.

"I'm more into cocky jerks. Nice guys are so yesteryear." Hayley stated. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hang out with my new friend Meg. Don't you dare follow me Chris." She then ran up the stairs leaving Steve and a disappointed Chris behind.

Steve then nudged Chris and said. "I hope you don't mind if I go up there with them. I mean your sister is like smokin' hot." Steve slipped a mint in his mouth and then ran up the stairs. Chris watched as Steve went into Meg's room. Lois then started talking.

"Anyways Stewie." Lois said. "I wouldn't be worried about it okay? Brian's been acting really strange ever since he broke up with his girlfriend Jillian. Now why don't you go upstairs and hang with the kids? Hm?"

"Why did I even try asking you." Stewie said angrily. "You're only good for... for... bedtime stories...and... and breastmilk..." Stewie ran upstairs.

Lois looked at Chris. "You wanna go get some Starbucks hun? Your father's been sleeping for hours."

"Sure mom." Chris responded and they made their way into the kitchen, Lois grabbed her keys and saw Stan and Francine sitting in the table. Stan read the newspaper as Francine nibbled on some toast.

"Me and Chris are going to go to Starbucks." Lois notified them. "Just in case Peter asks."

"Sure thing Lois." Francine smiled as she watched Lois and Chris walk out the back door.

"Great," Stan said, putting down the newspaper. He looked around suspiciously. "Francine hun, I have to go the bathroom for a little bit." Stan made his way into the bathroom, closed the door and pulled out his PDA and contacted his boss. He heard voices from Meg's room, Stan hoped nobody would hear his conversation.

"Look Bullock. I can't do this." Stan whispered. "The kid is a fine young gentleman, he's only one years old and he has a whole life ahead of him to make good decisions and maybe bad decisions. He deserves a chance just like the rest of us. What kind of idea was this anyways? Killing a baby? Who came up with this assignment anyways? A three year old?"

"Actually a one year old." A nasally voice said. Stan realised this wasn't his boss's voice at all. "A one year old in control of a thirty year old's body."

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"You may have seen me around the office over the past couple days." The voice said. "You may know me as Bertrand, yes?"

"Yes, Bertrand. The one with the evil gleam in his eye."

"Stan, i won't tell your boss about this, this way you can spare your job. But you must promise not to protect or defend Stewie Griffin at all. Let Terrence do the job."

Stan frowned and thought for a minute. "I'll get to keep my job?"

"I won't tell Bullock a thing." The voice assured Stan. "But you can tell my dear brother Stewie, that his sperm brother's back."

"Ok," Stan said, he hung up, put the PDA into his pocket and opened the door to find himself standing in front of Stewie.

Stewie stared at Stan eye to eye for five seconds. Then Stewie applauded. "You're very courageous Stan, you were willing to lose your job in order to spare my life."

"So technically, you heard my whole conversation?"

"Even from upstairs, I heard every single word. I should've recognized that voice earlier."

"You mean you know Bertrand?"

"Actually his name is Bertram. I believe he came back to get revenge on me after I publically humiliated him" _**(1)**_

"So how do you know him??" Stan asked.

"Sperm brother," Stewie replied. "he was conceived by someone else due to my father's donation at a local sperm bank. It's complicated..."

"And now he wants to kill you, now that's tough love."

"Indeed, which is why I must meet up with him face to face."

"You really are a good kid Stewie." Stan patted him on the head and smiled.

Stewie smiled back, then put a hand in Stan's pocket, pulled out the pistol and loaded it. "I hope you don't mind."

"You know Stewie, there's a man after you." Stan warned him. "He's going to kill you."

"I'm way ahead of you." Stewie boasted. "He's in your car right now with a loaded rifle."

"That bastard!" Stan yelled.

"Stan sweetie..." Francine called. "Everything alright?"

"Yes dear." Stan said. "Just don't go outside for the next few hours okay? Government procedure. But don't worry, everything's going to be fine. Hopefully."

* * *

_**(1):** View episode Sibling Rivalry, to see how Stewie humiliated Bertram in public._

_View episode Emission Impossible, to see how Stewie first met Bertram._


	6. CHAPTER SIX: Showdown

**The Assassination of Stewie Griffin **

**Showdown**

Brian ran through the side walk as fast as he could.

"Stewie needs me." Brian said to himself. "Keep going Brian. You can do this." The wind blew past his face, the feeling was exhilarating, but he couldn't run for too long. He gave up and rested on the sidewalk.

"Crap." Brian panted as he checked his watch. "I won't make it... I'm so sorry Stewie." He felt a tear slide down his cheek. He turned and saw the sign for 'Starbucks Coffee' and as he scanned the cars parked in the parking lot, to his relief he saw the Griffin's car parked right in front of the door, right next to a police car. "Oh my God, that is so lucky!" Brian took out a key and went into the car. He took a deep breath, put the key into ignition and started the engine. He spotted Lois at the cash register making an order. "Don't look at the car Lois, don't look at the car." But as Lois finished saying her order she looked back and saw the car reversing out of the parking stall. "Great, you had to say it Brian..." He said to himself. Brian accelerated and made his way to the turn checking for traffic.

"Carjacker! Get him!" Brian heard Lois screaming and the sirens of a police car going off.

Brian drove out of the parking lot and sped down the lane. To his shock he saw the police car chasing him. One of two cops in the police car signaled to pull over. But he kept on going. Suddenly a red traffic light forced Brian to put on the brakes. He was trapped.

One cop got out of the car and slowly walked over to the Griffin's car. Brian anxiously looked at the traffic light but he was too late. There were cars passing right in front ohf him so it would be suicide to try to get through. Brian then heard the officer knock on the window.

Keeping his cool, Brian rolled down the window. "Is there a problem officer? Was I going too fast?"

"Yeah, Im charging you for stealing a car and speeding, and don't you dare drive away because we'll catch up with you. 350 for speeding and I'm gonna need you to show me your license..."

"Oh officer, I kinda left my wallet at home, with my driver's license in it."

"That's fine, step out of the car and come with me." As the light turned green the officer reached through the window and unlocked the door and turned on the emergency lights.

"But sir, clearly this is my car, look I have my keys in the ignition And this is an emergency, my friend is going to get shot by a CIA agent."

"Don't talk back to me now I told you to get out of the vehicle."

"Sir, my friend's just a baby, he's in danger."

"Look I don't want any trouble." The officer said as he slowly reached for the gun in his pocket. "Save that crap for the judge."

"Fine." Brian put up his hands and got out of the car.

"Now I need you to get into the police car alright? Be a good boy now."

"Yes sir..." Brian slowly walked towards the police car, but he stopped. "Say, isn't that George Clooney over there?

The officer frowned at him.

"With his pants down." Brian quickly added.

"Where?" The officer turned and looked

"Hey buddy, he's getting away!" The cop in the car said.

"Wait, I'm looking for George-- Say what?" The officer looked and saw Brian running. The officer got back in the car and chased him.

"Get back here now!" The officer yelled. He then took out a gun and fired into the air. Brian was startled and he tripped to the ground. He was put into the back seat. The officer fastened the seatbelt and put a velvet like collar over his mouth.

"This is just so you can't speak, bark or anything like that. We're obligated to do that when arresting canines." He said. "But obviously that doesn't happen to often. You're just a mischievous little troublemaker aren't you?"

Brian growled through his teeth in rage. The cop closed the door and got into the passenger's seat.

"Hey man, You know what would be cool? If we turned on the sirens and speed down to the police station. You know like we're chasing some criminal."

"You are one sexy genius. You're gonna get a big spanking tonight when we get home."

"I can't wait hunny." The officer responded. Brian quivered. Then the driver rushed down the road as they reached Spooner Street. Brian had to take a drastic measure if he were to save Stewie. He got up and climbed up on the passenger's seat. They were going too fast they didn't seem to notice Brian. As Brian gained his balance he looked out the window to see his house up ahead. Brian sighed and started peeing on the driver's lap.

"He's peeing on me!" The cop screamed and hit the brakes. Brian went flying and hit the window. The cops panicked as Brian rolled down the driver's window and started running towards the Griffin house. Brian climbed up the pipe and went on the roof. Dizzy from being slammed into the window, He saw the blue mustang and inside was a shadowy figure wiping his rifle. It was just like his premonition, except this time it was much clearer and detailed. It all started coming together.

Stewie ran out the door with a pistol in his hand, but this time he seemed to have a strange shiny red mark at the back of his neck. Brian could barely think. He knew he was supposed to do something. He couldn't remember why he was on the roof and why there was a strap tied tightly over his mouth. He tried to yell but he couldn't, just like how he saw it in his premonition.

"Where the devil are you now CIA man?" Stewie yelled in a nervous tone. He turned around with the gun pointed at the direction he was facing. "I know you're here, now show yourself and fight!"

_BANG! _Stewie fell on the sidewalk. as this happened Brian rememebered ewhat he was supposed to do.

Brian was shaking from the horror of what happened. He took Stewie's arm rolled up his sleeve and found a white note tucked in. Brian put the note on the ground and felt Stewie's arm. It was really cold, but not the kind of cold feeling a corpse has. It was the cold feeling of metal, like a robot. Brian picked up the note and started reading.

_Dear Brian, or whoever may be reading._

_By The time you read this the man who shot me would have probably driven away. I would just like you to know that this is a robotic clone I have worked on for the last few months, I have trained it to walk, hold a pistol and I've even recorded my voice to make it look more realistic. The real me is probably now on a plane going to Langley Falls, Maryland with Stan to track down the very source of this assignment, my sperm brother Bertram. Please don't ask about him it's a VERY long story. Stan will be back in a few hours. I'll be back tonight. Hopefully._

_Your friend,_

_Stewie._

"Well that's a relief." Brian thought in his head. He reminisced in his head the things that had happened the past week. He picked up the robotic Stewie and dragged it inside, just as a speeding UPS truck passed by behind him.

"Stan you can leave me now I know my way around this place." Stewie said. "Go pick up your family."

"OK you'll be on your own now." Stan shook his hand. "Wait, have you been here before?"

"Somewhat," Stewie replied. "you'll be surprised as to how accurate virtual simulation consoles can be these days."

"OK, just get to him and try not to let anyone see you."

"Hey, before you go..."

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to say thanks. For everything."

"No, you guys let us stay in your home for a few days. I should be the one thanking you."

Stewie entered the front doors of the building quickly hid behind a plant before anyone noticed him. Through the leaves of the plant he saw two men talking.

"Hi Mr. Bullock, lovely weather today?"

"Well Terrence, it's not as lovely as yesterday, but it's still OK."

One of the two men turned around and looked at the plant.

"Lovely plant isn't it? Say, what is that?"

Stewie crossed his fingers and closed his eyes hoping it wasn't him the man was talking about, but he felt a hand pick him up by the back of his shirt. So he was staring right into the man's face.

"Well, well, well... We have a little spy here Avery! Frankly he looks familiar." The man said. The man took a deep breath and started yelling. "Who sent you? And why do you look so familiar?"

"Stan Smith sir." Stewie choked.

"Stan? Did he manage to kill that boy?" Avery asked.

Stewie coughed. "I-- Am-- That-- Boy--" The man dropped Stewie to the floor.

Stewie took out a ray gun first aiming at Avery and then to the other man. "I don't want to hurt anyone" Stewie started to make his way to the elevator across the hall still keeping his ray gun pointed at the two men who's arms were high up in the air. "I just need to know where Bertrand is, and don't you dare call for backup or security! God help you if you do!"

Terrence smiled as he reached his hand into his pocket.

Stewie shot his ray gun at Terrence. "Now tell me where Bertrand is! WHERE IS MY BROTHER?"

"Terrence! Are you OK?"

"13..." Terence whispered as he lay on the ground. "Floor 13... "

The elevator then opened and a bunch of masked men with guns stepped out.

"Where is the threat Bullock?" They asked looking at Avery and then at a seemingly lifeless Terrence. Avery pointed to the elevator, as Stewie waved at them while the doors closed.

"That was the boy Stan Smith was supposed to kill."

"Why is he here?

"I believe he's here to kill Bertrand, his brother."

"His brother? But Bertrand was the one who came up with the assignment in the first place. Oh..."

"Yeah I think we're going to need another meeting." Avery sighed. "About the Stewie griffin case and the fate of Stan Smith being an agent."

* * *

In the elevator, Stewie looked for floor 13 but there was no such button. The floor 12 button just skipped to floor 14. Then, Stewie came up with an idea. He pressed floor 14 and carefully monitored the screen which indicated what floor he was on, and what floors passed.

_9...10...11...12...13... 14..._ The doors opened.

Stewie grinned, he pressed the 'close doors' button and pressed number 12.

_14...13... _The doors opened.

Stewie walked out and found a wall.

"_Verification. Please Stand still, we are currently scanning your head shape. Beep. Beep. Beep. Access Granted."_

The wall rose, revealing a short figure standing right in front of him.

"We meet once again Stewart." The figure said. "I've been waiting for this moment for a very long time."

"But you tried to kill me." Stewie replied. "Well you didn't kill me, you tried to get someone else to kill me and both of them failed to do so."

"Well It's time to finish the job." Bertram smiled as the wall behind Stewie closed. "I've waited in the fat man's organs and when opportunity showed, I took it. i wanted to meet you Stewart. But I guess when we did finally meet, we were nothing but sworn enemies."

"Yes, we could've been quite the duo Bertram. We could've finished Lois once and for all and taken over the world all together."

"It's too bad." Bertram said and out of his pocket he took out a remote with a button. Stewie took out his ray gun and aimed carefully.

"What is that?"Stewie started shaking. "What is it? Answer me!"

"I must say you made quite a scene in the main quarters, you killed my accomplice. You truly are my brother."

"What is that Bertram? I'll shoot! I swear to God I'll shoot!"

"Why Stewart, have you ever heard of detonators? I'm just killing two birds with one stone! I'll get revenge on you AND that wretched woman!"

"What--"

"That's right, this will detonate your home, I had Terrence plant a bomb there while you were all sleeping. That way I will kill your loved ones especially Lois. That's all I need to do to get my full revenge!"

"Wait what?" Stewie started laughing. "You've got to be kidding! I thought you were a mastermind but this? You're just doing me a favor!"

Bertram smiled then pressed the button on the remote. "Well then. That's the end of that."

"Heh." Stewie shrugged. "You know I guess I will actually miss Brian. And maybe Meg. Nah who am I kidding I won't miss Meg."

"You know Stewart, I think I've been looking at this the wrong way. Why are we trying to fight in the first place?"

"Because you tried to kill me?" Stewie said. "You know what let's just put all this behind us."

"Yeah, We have our whole lives to take over the world. Why don't we just share the glory with each other?"

"Exactly. Oh and by the way, right when you pressed that button that Mustang blew up in the parking lot. I think that Terrence forgot to plant the bomb."

Bertram frowned and rage grew in his eyes. "On the other hand nobody likes sharing. Screw it. Screw all of it!" Bertram quickly took out a pistol and shot Stewie three times in the chest.

"You're a worthy adversary Stewart. But I am the truly better one. I managed to trick the CIA into letting me in here in the first place. What have you done? You haven't even killed Lois yet. " Bertram opened and crawled through the air vents.

Stewie stood up and revealed a bullet proof vest that Stan had given him on the way to the CIA Agency.

"Those hurt like a bitch." Stewie coughed. In the surveillance screen showing the parking lot, he saw Bertram running to make an escape. "Run my brother, because soon you're little merry-go-round will be over. Enjoy it while it lasts."

* * *

Thanks for EVERYONE posting reviews for my fanfic. I finally finished. :D

Shoutouts especially to warlord-xana and snake screamer who have contributed some exceptionally cool ideas. Your feedback made the story the way it is now.

I appreciate and read all reviews so keep reading and reviewing!

And keep your eyes peeled for a sequel!


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